An Open Letter to Conservative Windbags

Now that every mean, racist, disingenuous, pile of crap fear monger you said about President-Elect Barack Obama to try to make him to lose in this election has ended in miserable failure on your part, it’s time to accept him as your president for the next 4 -8 years along with a few “New Rules” (mostly mine but some borrowed by Bill Maher)


1. You are not to undermine a president in a time of war. You cannot support the troops without supporting the president.

2. You are forbidden to try to make Michelle Obama into a racial stereotype like you tried during to campaign. She is the First Lady and should be treated with the respect she deserves.

3. Malia and Sasha Obama are totally off limits. Period. End of Discussion.(h/t Oliver Willis)

4. We are getting out of Iraq in the next 16-20 months. Deal with it. The American people have spoken and have decided we no longer want to continue spending $10 billion a month in Iraq while the Iraqi government sits on an $80 billion surplus. It’s time to spend that money in America.

5. You are expected to be the first to pound down any douchbag(s) who advocate any physical harm to President Obama.

6. If you love America like to claim to do, you will use whatever influence you have left to helping clean up the mess your good buddies has left in this country.

7. George Walker Bush going down as “THE WORST PRESIDENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY” is pretty much etched in stone. Therefore, you do not get to pretend he wasn’t one of you after defending this guy for 8 years. He’s yours. You own him and his legacy.

8. You do not get to trash John McCain and Sarah Palin now that they lost. They lost because they decided to kiss your collective asses and campaign using Rovian tactics. Thus, like Bush, you own them and their legacies.

I’m not foolish enough to believe you will follow any of these rules. But make no mistake; the American people will come down on you hard if you break any of them (especially the first 5).

This is a new America and we are heading in a direction we haven’t seen in the past 8 years. Forward. And the best thing you guys can do is one thing. Don’t get in our way.